you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
