Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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