I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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