shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
