I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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