So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My pussy is not your playground.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
