Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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