i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize