Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
