I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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