On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
