i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
