She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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