My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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