Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
