I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
