Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize