Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had sex on a roof
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
