He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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