Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
