Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
