we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize