youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
