Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
