if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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