how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
