When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
