She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
worst night to have a conscience
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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