i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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