All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
