Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
