if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My life is pants optional.
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