i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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