New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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