threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
