We're facebook friends in real life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
