I heard we made out
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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