Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
