Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
