and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
