I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
