fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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