Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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