i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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