I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize