She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
