can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
