So drunk its hurt
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
