bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
