why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
