Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
