Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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