mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
