Ambien. No doubt about it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
