I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
