a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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