WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
