Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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