i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My nipple is on Facebook.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
