dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
