addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
