Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
