Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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