do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
