I am in a vortex of obligation.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
