Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
