Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
