kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
